After great hiatus, my little friend has proven that he is still never far. Devil that he is, he awaits the moment when I shall need him. But who (or more what) is this little 'friend' I speak of?
There is a feeling you get, when the moment of decision passes solid through you, like a brick; when you commit to dealing the death blow, and action demands it's moment. For me, it is like a surge of ice-water in the veins, and a great fracturing of my essence. I'm not talking 'heat of battle', here - I'm speaking of cold, calculated initiation of force, executed with full discretion.
Yeah, I'm talking about exercising your personal authority to *initiate* the drawing of blood, at that particular moment.
I've done it a number of times, and it never changes - ice water right before; and a feeling I can only describe as 'grave elation' immediately after. Over the years, I've had the opportunity to talk with a lot of other combat vets, from grunts to fighter pilots, and it's a pretty universal experience. But for me, having delivered death many times using a scoped rifle, there was almost always time to focus on it. To get familiar with it. To savor it. It's dangerous.
It is this 'grave elation' to which I must now speak, because that elation will make a play to own you. It will suck you in, and you will want more of it. Without a solid moral framework, without the requisite mental and emotional discipline, without a true and abiding faith, there is a good chance that it *will* win you over to the dark side. Even with these defenses, it will eat at you.
You see, the initiation of deadly force is quite sensibly the most addictive experience on the planet - it is PURE POWER. After a successful run of such killing, you will likely find yourself desiring it with such an urge that you are actually happy to risk the battle, just to obtain that moment.
Addiction.
Unregulated, the desire for it will obscure your judgment, blinding you to legitimate operational alternatives which do not feed the addiction. Unregulated, it will embolden you to take chances well beyond those which are required, or even justified - chances which will not only put your own life at excess risk, but also the lives of everyone around you. Unregulated, it will destroy your character, and by association the character of your associates and your 'movement'.
Toxic. Addiction.
It will kindle your pride, feed your anger, and make of you a despot.
And it never ceases to be a challenge. Trust me in this.
It will rot your soul - It is a trap of the evil one himself, forged to turn even the most noble of men into demons, if they take not heed of the spiritual danger. Hear me, friends, for I speak from personal experience. To the devil, the soul of a noble man is the greatest of prizes to win. His appetite is upon you, and he shall never cease in his efforts to capture your eternal soul; the more you rise in the nobility of your heart, the more he desires to corrupt and own you.
Be ware of it in yourself, always. And watch for it in both your friends and your foes.
Be prepared to face it, wherever you find it, because it is out there, waiting for you.
Some of the most essential battles are fought within ourselves. Don't lose this one.
Enemies of Liberty are ruthless. To own your Liberty, you'd better come harder than your enemies..
Thank you for this, and darn you for taking me back "there". As a recon Marine, who did well enough in two tours to go through scout/sniper school, and then additional tours to fire for record, I appreciate the clarity, brother; to help others understand.... war is a drug. It is as powerfully addicting as any opiate, and there is no high quite like it (until you encounter the Most High). Seen through a scope the first time, it is sickeningly exhilarating. There was a head, then there’s a red mist. High velocity heavy bullet at distance has so much energy as it descends and impacts it is almost unbelievable. No one detests war more than the warrior, because we know what it does to us. We know we are either doing the Lord's work, or satan's. We know we are the weapon, and what we wield is an instrument, not of God's will, but our own. That power can indeed corrupt absolutely. Be careful what you wish for... "it is good for warriors such as us to meet..." stormfriend sends
ReplyDelete"Seen through a scope the first time, it is sickeningly exhilarating. There was a head, then there’s a red mist."
ReplyDeleteThe first time, it is shocking. Nearly sickening.
The second, it is disconcerting.
The third, you regain awareness of the mechanics.
After about 5 or 6, the mechanics are second nature, and you really begin working on your technique.
And after a dozen or so, you find that you love being behind your rifle in a way that escapes words.
And after another dozen or so, there is no remaining distinction between you and your rifle, and God help anyone within range... because they are yours to dispatch, essentially at will.
I hope you will be at the ID Patcon. We will have plenty of time to discuss it there... Very few people understand what payday feels like. It is good for those of us who do to gather from time to time, brother.
We will be in ID, Lord willing. Working toward that diligently, actually hoping that the visit will become relocation. (brother lineman has been advising toward that end...). And now with the added hope speaking with someone with the gained understanding.... patience... It is not something I speak of, much. Many if not most don't "get" the surreal nature, so I don't share. Too many times it goes from one extreme ("how could you ever do that?") to the other (oh man, that would be so cool....). The truth is, you either get it, or you don't. I remember the story years ago of the Marine Sergeant "greeted" with spit and derision, from a flower child at LAX; as he deplaned back into the world, off the Blue Ball Express. Called a murderer, he replied with calm correction... "I am not a murderer, I am a killer, and there is a difference." Yes, there is. I look forward to what you and I can share. And teach others. stormfriend sends
ReplyDeleteAmen, brother. I have also been having conversations with Lineman. Quite a generous one, he is; and wise as well. We three must speak in person. The patcon is a gift to all of us, for these opportunities.
DeleteCheers
He who attends the altar of God, ought well to understand the nature of the world upon which he turns his back.
ReplyDeleteAnd indeed the converse Truth is even more mortifying.
"Let those who have ears to hear..."