To the little car being driven by that silly woman in Kentucky yesterday that crowded my wife as she was driving our little milk wagon - please die a horribly lingering death in a fiery single-car crash.
My wife was driving and keeping up with traffic on the interstate (75) when a gal in a little white PoS decided we needed to move over a lane - so she got close enough to our rear end (which has a hitch-mounted shelf on it) that Holly couldn't see the car's front license. That's close. That's way too close on a highway at speed.
That is why my delightful, tiny wife rolled down her window and shared one particular finger with you.
That is why I had to do some fast (and stern) talking to prevent my lovely wife from following you off at your exit - she really wanted to try out her hip throw and rear choke on you. I think she said something about your stank-assed weave and giving it back to the horse from which you stole it, but I may be mistaken about that...
For you professional drivers, bless you all. The amount of stupid you have to contend with on the road is mind-blowing.
Kerodin
III
Holly!? Sweet, little Holly?
ReplyDeleteWhy surely sir, you jest.
Yes sir - I even had to use my big boy voice to stop her from chasing that gal down the exit. ;)
DeleteOh, believe me...I feel your pain.
ReplyDeleteIf I had been armed this week, or had it been my last day...there would have been a trail of corpses and blazing wreckage stretching from Cincinnati to Indianapolis that would have lit up the night sky with a eerie flickering orange hue.
Sounds kinda pretty and nice, don't it?
The carnage would have been exquisite.
That's how my week has gone.
And to top it all off...last night I got "shined" by an Indiana National Guard Blackhawk as I careened somewhat under control up I-74.
ReplyDeleteAs he came back around for a second pass, I rolled down my window and give him a sustained middle finger salute as my show of support to the troops.
That shit prolly looked kick-ass thru the NVGs. ;)
It's the one nice thing about Michigan...almost everyone may be brain-dead, but at least they can drive like nowhere else on the planet. Second-nature instinct, I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteJK: We'll be teaching in Tipton if you want to drop in and say Hi. Let me know if you are able, I'll zip you the address.
DeleteK
Yeah....except for the assholes in the hammer lane on 696, 275, M14, 75 and 94 who believe doing 63 MPH is perfectly fine and block everyone possible along with the ones who conspire to stay in the hammer lane until they're 50 yards from their exit and cross all three lanes cutting off everyone else, along with the H1B Visa types driving on international licenses like it's lunchtime in Mombai....
DeleteI will agree though that driving in Michigan is like nowhere else on the planet...it's sorta like I imagine Hell would be....and I'm a Michigander by birth, too.
Try driving an ambulance in that same area, the idiots don't cut us no slack either. Though it does help with job security ;)
Delete"until they're 50 yards from their exit and cross all three lanes cutting off everyone else"
ReplyDeleteUh-oh...that's not how you're supposed to do it?
Besides, you're talking about the ones who have jobs and they're all with the government.
Highway speed, downshift to 3 (or 2 if you're really nuts). Clutch as necessary depending on how much they've earned, no brake lights. Look on other face as car careens back and forth: just what you were needing.
ReplyDeleteUsually takes two or three tries for the zombie to get it.
Or, you could just hang a handgun out the window as someone I know did in the middle of the night a few years back when they were really stupid. That car almost ran off the road trying to back off. Yeah, that friend of mine can get pretty angry with lunatics and the clueless.